When will men stop being assholes? I know not all men are... My problem is I find boys, not men. I'm extremely particular when it comes to finding someone. Obviously I'm not picky enough. But really..? I'm so done. I cannot understand why I always get fucked over.
Sorry for the rant. I can't contemplate how someone could think they can continue to be a dochebag and I'm supposed to be okay with that type of behavior. THEN they try to make me feel like I'm a bitchy girl because I am not wiling to deal with juvenile acts.
Nuff said, rant complete!
Done.
Update: Well this is embarrassing... Obviously talking to him (See Feb 15 post) did absolutely nothing. I'm lame! But it is completely over now. For real this time!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Don't Let Anyone Steal Your Thunder!!
Sometimes people can be real jerks! I have to remind myself that when people try to disrupt your happiness, it's up to you let them or say... hell to the no!
I've been dealing with a person, and in case anyone ever reads this I will respect his anonymity. Although respect in him seems unnecessary, but it's never given back to me. One of those people that will happily do anything for themselves, and not give a damn about how his actions affect another person.
Needless to say for a month I've been letting him get away with it. I plan to let him know this is completely unacceptable and "IF" he actually does give a damn about me, maybe he will change. Buuuut, as mama always says, "You can't change a man". If he's 34 and still acting like a little kid, he's not going to change.
Not that he is "Stealing my thunder" in the Friends sense, he has be stealing my peace of mind. Not anymore!!
I've been dealing with a person, and in case anyone ever reads this I will respect his anonymity. Although respect in him seems unnecessary, but it's never given back to me. One of those people that will happily do anything for themselves, and not give a damn about how his actions affect another person.
Needless to say for a month I've been letting him get away with it. I plan to let him know this is completely unacceptable and "IF" he actually does give a damn about me, maybe he will change. Buuuut, as mama always says, "You can't change a man". If he's 34 and still acting like a little kid, he's not going to change.
Not that he is "Stealing my thunder" in the Friends sense, he has be stealing my peace of mind. Not anymore!!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Happy New Year! *Flashback* 80's Montage
I know this is completely cliche, however, holy crap time flies! I spent some much needed time with my family this weekend, always entertaining. My family is an incredibly tight unit, and we love to talk. So naturally we recant all the fun stories of the past and have a great laugh about it.
Our super awesome VHS also had Eurythmics and Billy Idol, I watched White Wedding and Sweet Dreams countless times. Today all of these are top pics for karaoke, well, minus Billy Idol. Other than that, it was a lot of CCR, Fleetwood Mac, and of course, Madonna! My brother was into Poison, AC/DC, Motley Crew and I'd listen to those, Every Rose Has it's Thorn... amazing. Pretty much anything they liked, I did also.
Now I realize I left out most mention of TV & Movies, which I have to tackle. Maybe for the 90's I will do a bulleted list and less narrative, probably not. HA! So as a youngin' I wasn't a huge TV or Movie buff, like I said, I was usually outside playing in the dirt, riding horses and shooting guns or reading a book. (I lived 12 miles outside a town of 800 people on an 80K Acre Ranch.) Not a lot of options, no cable. But I did have the VHS of Duran Duran... *Kiss*Kiss* But occasionally, when at my Grandma's house, I watched HBO Fraggle Rock was my fave.
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I suppose this weekend was the creative nudge I needed to start blogging again. I'm trying to write a book, and it's been taking up much of my writing time. Well I'm not trying, I am... but trying makes it sound like the entire thing can be a rough draft and a catalyst for further writing. So I'll leave it at that.
Talking with my family and laughing about all the funny stories of the past made me consider writing a post about me through the years.
I will spare my reader(s) and do one decade at time, my writing is similar to my the way I talk, and I really never shut up.
I will spare my reader(s) and do one decade at time, my writing is similar to my the way I talk, and I really never shut up.
Flash Back!
1980's
Too bad I was too young to really enjoy the full spectrum of 80's activities, but I still have fond memories. My younger years I was mostly concerned with swing sets, sand boxes, and... my pig tails. I would go into a frenzy if they were not on the exact same position on either side of my head and the same thickness, the bows also needed to have the same sized loops and ribbons.
But right around 3rd grade I got first my Jellies (bought from a bin at Ace Hardware in Bonner's Ferry, Idaho) started my love of 80's fashion. Shortly after I acquired a pair of Keds and the next thing I was all about stone washed jeans and banana clips. Nuff Said.
My favorite 80's toys and games: I had an Atari, and loved Frogger and Pong. Candyland is timeless, I will still play it with anyone when I get a chance. Strawberry Shortcake was my goddess, this is before her 2000's makeover of flowing pink hair and Mary-Janes. She used don a poofy bonnet over red ringlets, white pinafore and clunky brown shoes. I know my mother can't see past that pigtail little girl and probably why my mom still sends me Strawberry Shortcake things. (This is not a joke, she sent me a 3 ring binder to take to work... at the time I worked at the Ritz-Carlton. The visual makes me laugh hysterically.)
I eventually grew out of Strawberry Shortcake, and into Curious George.
I have a great mother who read to me often, and Curious George became my next hero. When I was 5 I had to have my tonsils removed over Christmas, she brought me Curious George Goes to the Hospital, and read to me while I ate ice cream and recovered. After that I had to have EVERY Curious George book I could get, I'd sit outside with my books and read. Mom recently sent me a Curious George lunch box. I really should bring that one to work. HA!!!
Books... ahh my books! Loved them, I started reading fairly young, I don't mean like See Spot Run. In kindergarten it was Curious George and Amelia Bedilia, 1st Grade Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary, Loved the Ramona books, 2nd Grade I took a trip to AZ we drove the 1300 miles and I discovered Charlotte's Web and Pippi Longstocking, 3rd Grade: Baby Sitter's Club, Sweet Valley High. Around 4th Grade I tried reading Clan of the Cavebear and The Hobbit... the Clan I didn't really get. But I do remember making it through The Hobbit. After 5th Grade I didn't read much YA Fiction, I got really into historical biographies, Queen Elizabeth, Joan of Arc, Helen Keller and Louisa May Alcott. Which turned into a whole different obsession with the classic love stories Austen for days. I'll stop here, now you'll see why my TV & Movie tributes lack content.
Mostly I was an outside kid. We moved around a lot so I was able to pick up different hobbies based on region. I started skiing in my hot pink and yellow ski suit when I was 7 and went some great places British Columbia Fairmont, Schweitzer, Big Sky... to name a few.
From 7-10 I was all about my horses. I had an Appaloosa (the ones with spots on their rump), I don't know what happened but my mom's husband did something and it caused the loss of someone else's horse and I was forced to give up Honeydew and give her away to the other person. BUT WAIT!! We had an Arabian and Quarter Horse that bred and were expecting a baby, so that was promised to me. She was a beautiful buckskin and I could spend hours braiding her fuzzy new mane and tail. I named her Motley Crudac (I couldn't decide between Motley Crew and AC/DC.) This is a great segue into music.
I grew up with brothers, two, one is 13 years older than me, so by the time I was 6 he was already enlisted in the Army, my other brother is 5 years older than me. I got most my musical influences from them. I remember the first tape I ever received was Michael Jackson's Thriller. I hated it. Sorry to the MJ fans out there. But one day, I was watching this VHS we had that was a 3 hour recording of MTV, we lived too far out in the country to get cable so this was all I had. While watching my VHS Hungry Like the Wolf came on, and I had my first crush. We had a big screen TV in the basement and I fell deeply in love with Simon Le Bon... I believe, I was actually busted kissing him on the TV. Look at this face, what 8 year old could resist? Ha!!
But right around 3rd grade I got first my Jellies (bought from a bin at Ace Hardware in Bonner's Ferry, Idaho) started my love of 80's fashion. Shortly after I acquired a pair of Keds and the next thing I was all about stone washed jeans and banana clips. Nuff Said.
My favorite 80's toys and games: I had an Atari, and loved Frogger and Pong. Candyland is timeless, I will still play it with anyone when I get a chance. Strawberry Shortcake was my goddess, this is before her 2000's makeover of flowing pink hair and Mary-Janes. She used don a poofy bonnet over red ringlets, white pinafore and clunky brown shoes. I know my mother can't see past that pigtail little girl and probably why my mom still sends me Strawberry Shortcake things. (This is not a joke, she sent me a 3 ring binder to take to work... at the time I worked at the Ritz-Carlton. The visual makes me laugh hysterically.)I eventually grew out of Strawberry Shortcake, and into Curious George.
I have a great mother who read to me often, and Curious George became my next hero. When I was 5 I had to have my tonsils removed over Christmas, she brought me Curious George Goes to the Hospital, and read to me while I ate ice cream and recovered. After that I had to have EVERY Curious George book I could get, I'd sit outside with my books and read. Mom recently sent me a Curious George lunch box. I really should bring that one to work. HA!!!
Books... ahh my books! Loved them, I started reading fairly young, I don't mean like See Spot Run. In kindergarten it was Curious George and Amelia Bedilia, 1st Grade Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary, Loved the Ramona books, 2nd Grade I took a trip to AZ we drove the 1300 miles and I discovered Charlotte's Web and Pippi Longstocking, 3rd Grade: Baby Sitter's Club, Sweet Valley High. Around 4th Grade I tried reading Clan of the Cavebear and The Hobbit... the Clan I didn't really get. But I do remember making it through The Hobbit. After 5th Grade I didn't read much YA Fiction, I got really into historical biographies, Queen Elizabeth, Joan of Arc, Helen Keller and Louisa May Alcott. Which turned into a whole different obsession with the classic love stories Austen for days. I'll stop here, now you'll see why my TV & Movie tributes lack content.
Mostly I was an outside kid. We moved around a lot so I was able to pick up different hobbies based on region. I started skiing in my hot pink and yellow ski suit when I was 7 and went some great places British Columbia Fairmont, Schweitzer, Big Sky... to name a few.
From 7-10 I was all about my horses. I had an Appaloosa (the ones with spots on their rump), I don't know what happened but my mom's husband did something and it caused the loss of someone else's horse and I was forced to give up Honeydew and give her away to the other person. BUT WAIT!! We had an Arabian and Quarter Horse that bred and were expecting a baby, so that was promised to me. She was a beautiful buckskin and I could spend hours braiding her fuzzy new mane and tail. I named her Motley Crudac (I couldn't decide between Motley Crew and AC/DC.) This is a great segue into music.
I grew up with brothers, two, one is 13 years older than me, so by the time I was 6 he was already enlisted in the Army, my other brother is 5 years older than me. I got most my musical influences from them. I remember the first tape I ever received was Michael Jackson's Thriller. I hated it. Sorry to the MJ fans out there. But one day, I was watching this VHS we had that was a 3 hour recording of MTV, we lived too far out in the country to get cable so this was all I had. While watching my VHS Hungry Like the Wolf came on, and I had my first crush. We had a big screen TV in the basement and I fell deeply in love with Simon Le Bon... I believe, I was actually busted kissing him on the TV. Look at this face, what 8 year old could resist? Ha!!
 |
| SMOOOCHES! |
By the time I was 10 my brother moved to live with my dad, so it was just me and my mom, she's an old hippie (reference CCR & Stevie Nicks), it was a good time for me and her. Helped me figure out that there was a world beyond Fraggle Rock, and my Halloween costumes went from He-Man and Thunder Cats to Princesses and early 80's Madonna, who by this time had moved from crimped hair to the boy cut and pointy boobs.
The final year of the 80's I was finally able to start testing make up, and I loved my electric blue mascara, to wear with my Electric Youth perfume. Yes, I went through a Debbie Gibson look-alike phase and it was nothing but hats, vests, blazers and skinny jeans for a year.
Now I realize I left out most mention of TV & Movies, which I have to tackle. Maybe for the 90's I will do a bulleted list and less narrative, probably not. HA! So as a youngin' I wasn't a huge TV or Movie buff, like I said, I was usually outside playing in the dirt, riding horses and shooting guns or reading a book. (I lived 12 miles outside a town of 800 people on an 80K Acre Ranch.) Not a lot of options, no cable. But I did have the VHS of Duran Duran... *Kiss*Kiss* But occasionally, when at my Grandma's house, I watched HBO Fraggle Rock was my fave.
Eventually, I did move towards civilization and lived only 8 miles from Bonners Ferry, Idaho; population 2000, I actually think I was closer to Canada than Bonners Ferry. They had traffic lights! No joke, I was thrilled! We had an antenna for local TV and a Satellite Dish. If you are too young to remember the old satellites, you're missing out! Once I was able to, I watched more cable and our enormous city had a video store, crazy, I know!
Then there were the life changers, I saw Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Dirty Dancing and Teen Witch. I think I've seen those movies 1000 times at least.
Girls Just Want to Have Fun is my ALL TIME FAVE!! My cousin and I would take turns being Janey and Lynne and quote the entire movie.
At the time I didn't know what that meant, I assumed she was referring to the two dinosaur clips on the top of her hair.
Now Teen Witch, there's this scene and I'm pretty sure I can still say it word for word. It's a rap scene, "Top That!" Occasionally I will say "Top that!" and fold my arms, and later realize the person, likely has no clue what I'm referencing. For your viewing pleasure:
Well, with that beautiful number stuck in your head, I'm done with my not so brief 80's tribute. Next will be the 90's, that was my decade, so I will definitely have to figure out a way to streamline. :-)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Jessictionary
I hear a lot that I "make up" words. I don't feel as though they are made up, if I say them and people understand what I mean when I say them, then it's obviously used in correct context and understood... Therefore it IS a word.
Let's give a brief example of my words:
Let's give a brief example of my words:
- Jessicisms: Words said by Jessica, that are made unique by pronunciation or lack of popularity. e.g. Randomblings.
- Randomblings: A metaphor for the words, phrases spoken, or actions performed at random, but what Jessica feels needs to be said or exhibited.
- S.M.R.T: A spoken misspelling of smart meant to insult the intelligence of the person to whom the letters are spoken. "I hate it when unsmart people say unsmart things". My response, "S.M.R.T"
- Wootenany: This can only be described as random things that I can't classify. If I download a random file, something that can't be classified by any of my file organization it is put into my "Woo" folder. Woo is short for wootenany.
- Absword: Something I would say if I find that someone uses a word completely out of context and really believes they know what they are talking about. "OMG, So this dude said such an absurdly preverted thing to me!!" My response, "OMG! That's Absword!" They assume I'm saying that's absurd, but I'm insulting them. (Irony is not lost.)
- Funk Shui: A situation, person or object just makes me feel funky thereby disrupting my Feng shui.
- Facecreeping: General stalking someone on Facebook.
- Cumplicated: A guy who seems to only like to make you *ahem* but seems to have no desire to progress the relationship further.
- Funcuzed: Fucking confused!
- Imperessting: Something I find both interesting and impressing. Rare occurrence..."Wow, you know about my favorite book and give me a different perspective. That is imperesting!"
That's all I have to share for now. I do not intend to to sound condescending in any way, however this makes me think maybe I secretly am.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Dear MISTY part 3
March 4, 1992
Hi Misty!
I get to cheer in the parade instead of play the Tenor Sax, Alto, or Clarinet!! I do love band, but I love to dance! At the D.A.R.E. lockin we did a sweet dance to En Vogue. Then swam in the pool, played volleyball. I love my volleyball. Mom actually made it to my state championship. First game ever. I was so happy for her to see me play.
Justin and Tara broke up. They were together for a long time. I truly feel bad for him. I don't like to see friends sad. He says he broke up with her, but she's been with that high school dude a lot. Maybe he will see that I'm super awesome!
April 18, 1992
I don't know whether to laugh, cry or kick ass. I've watched movies where people are humiliated in school, but this was my first experience. I'm so sad, mad, happy and glad at the same time... this is why. I was in math class and Ryan asked me if I would go out with Justin. So of course I said yes, I would go out with him, I mean hell, I've already written Jessica loves Justin written all over my MISTY diary.
Here's the fucking shit part. I went all day, in bliss thinking he was my boyfriend. In choir that bitch ho Christy said, "you know that you and Justin are not really going out, the guys all know you like him, so they thought it would be funny to make you think he asked you out."
Fuckinng assholes! Who the hell does that? Whose heart would allow them to hurt someone without caring?
So, after choir I went straight to my locker to grab my coat. No way I was walking home with Justin, and I was thinking how could my best friend fuck me like that? Not literally fuck me, but how could he not know this was happening? So I walked out of school alone. I got about 20 feet before I started to cry.. I hate crying, It's so embarrassing. Then I heard Justin calling my name. I wiped my eyes and kept walking... at this time I'm thinking fuck you dick face. So he caught up to me and said....NO JOKE!.. "Jessica, I just heard what everyone was talking about. I'm sorry. I didn't have any part of it at all. (Ouch! So you don't love me back) All those guys are jerks, and I don't want you to be hurt because of me. THEN!!!! HE GRABBED MY HAND AND HELD IT THE WHOLE WAY HOME!!! We both knew without saying that he did it to make everyone shut up. Really? How can he do that and not feel the way I do? I don't understand, what am I missing? Fucking bullshit, mother fucking assholes!!!!
Hi Misty!
I get to cheer in the parade instead of play the Tenor Sax, Alto, or Clarinet!! I do love band, but I love to dance! At the D.A.R.E. lockin we did a sweet dance to En Vogue. Then swam in the pool, played volleyball. I love my volleyball. Mom actually made it to my state championship. First game ever. I was so happy for her to see me play.
Justin and Tara broke up. They were together for a long time. I truly feel bad for him. I don't like to see friends sad. He says he broke up with her, but she's been with that high school dude a lot. Maybe he will see that I'm super awesome!
April 18, 1992
I don't know whether to laugh, cry or kick ass. I've watched movies where people are humiliated in school, but this was my first experience. I'm so sad, mad, happy and glad at the same time... this is why. I was in math class and Ryan asked me if I would go out with Justin. So of course I said yes, I would go out with him, I mean hell, I've already written Jessica loves Justin written all over my MISTY diary.
Here's the fucking shit part. I went all day, in bliss thinking he was my boyfriend. In choir that bitch ho Christy said, "you know that you and Justin are not really going out, the guys all know you like him, so they thought it would be funny to make you think he asked you out."
Fuckinng assholes! Who the hell does that? Whose heart would allow them to hurt someone without caring?
So, after choir I went straight to my locker to grab my coat. No way I was walking home with Justin, and I was thinking how could my best friend fuck me like that? Not literally fuck me, but how could he not know this was happening? So I walked out of school alone. I got about 20 feet before I started to cry.. I hate crying, It's so embarrassing. Then I heard Justin calling my name. I wiped my eyes and kept walking... at this time I'm thinking fuck you dick face. So he caught up to me and said....NO JOKE!.. "Jessica, I just heard what everyone was talking about. I'm sorry. I didn't have any part of it at all. (Ouch! So you don't love me back) All those guys are jerks, and I don't want you to be hurt because of me. THEN!!!! HE GRABBED MY HAND AND HELD IT THE WHOLE WAY HOME!!! We both knew without saying that he did it to make everyone shut up. Really? How can he do that and not feel the way I do? I don't understand, what am I missing? Fucking bullshit, mother fucking assholes!!!!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
When in Need... Help Others Indeed!
This year has been rough, unemployment sucks. I'm extremely fortunate and blessed to have a family that is supportive, compassionate and positive.
I have other friends whose parent's wouldn't do anything to help them, encourage them or keep them positive. Or some will but their compassion and support has an expiration date. I've never felt that.
I've been out of work for a while now, and it is driving me crazy!!! I loved my job, really did, but as things go, they streamlined their processes which made my job obsolete. I understand this happens, and from a professional prospective I can understand the necessity to increase the efficiency of the company. I've actually had to make those same decisions regarding employees and the easiest answer is always to respect those who have been there longer. I didn't work with anyone who came in and was like, "Ahh shit... another day!" we all liked what we did. My boss gave me an epic letter of recommendation and was truly apologetic for the situation, and I understand it wasn't "personal" Still feels that way.
Randombling: I hate it when people stay in jobs they hate, I would never do that. Sure, everyone has a bad day, but work takes up such a large part of your life, why would you stay somewhere that makes you miserable. Admittedly, last time I was laid off, actually I was fired because "I didn't call in sick often enough". Not a joke, that's why... but, to be honest, I suppose I see their point. I worked with kids. But in my defense, kids are an incubus for viral infection. I never went with a fever or other gross stuff. When you go to school full time, work full time and spend a lot of it around children, you get sick a lot.
Okay, I will continue... My mom is taking care of my rent, actually bought a condo for me so I would stop stressing. (I know this makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but it's with the intention that as soon as I begin working I will take over all expenses, and it will be an investment for my future). She tells me to take this time to relax, enjoy myself, read, go on vacation (on the $172 per week I get for Unemployment). Books, those are the answer, my vacation. I can go anywhere in the world when I read a book. Ooopsies! Sidetracked. Back to it.
My mother is all about me enjoying this "break" from working. It's hard not to feel a bit depressed when you are in your 30's and your mom is paying your rent. But, she's raised kids, me... I wasn't easy, my brothers are like an alien species, this is not meant condescendingly, it's just they are a species I/we do not understand. Mom gets me, and she knows me, hates to see me down. I told her I was just going to take some crap job for some money, she said not to, that's a waste of my time and if I hate it I will feel worse. (Did I tell you she is awesome?) She suggested I volunteer, and then I'd realize it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I may make a networking connection.
Love it! Now we get to the subject of this post. If you are following or have read anything previous I always have to provide background. If I started with, "If you volunteer when your down you will feel better!" I'd neither be a decent writer, nor fulfill my need to divulge information. That said; Volunteering is always something I love to do! It is a wonderful gift to others, and organizations.
I go to church, this is something very important to me, even with my $172 a week I tithe my 10%, God's got my back. I asked them if they needed any volunteers, they do not. I decided to go to my past volunteer organizations. But, for some reason I had some reservations with that, I've volunteered for St. Vincent de Paul for years, Goodwill, Salvation Army, Feed My Starving Children and a few animal rescue organizations. Those are all great places that do a lot for people in need, but I really needed to do something one on one. I needed to see that I was helping an individual.
I contacted all of my friends, and Facebook friends and let them all know that I was available to volunteer my time. I offered free web design, as this could give me a client profile, as I wouldn't feel right giving a link to a company page I've created as a company employee. That's copywrited, even if I was the copywriter. I have friends that are returning to school as adults, offered free tutoring for classes, and for their kids, if anyone else was looking for resume help, or needed help with cover letter templates. I'd do anything, and to let their friends know.
This worked, I've managed to trade a web page for personal training. (People aren't comfortable getting something for nothing, even if it's to help lift the givers spirit) I made a web page for 6th Grade Math Jeopardy (If you want the files I will be happy to send). I tutored my friend on his MBA statistics homework, funny since I've yet to complete my BA. But he got a 100%! I tutored a lot... mostly people returning to college. All of these little things worked, it was volunteering my time to people I knew needed it, and was able to see them learn, grow their businesses, get a job (irony), plan an important event. I never asked for money, it was my way to stay busy and connected.
No, I have yet to get a job, but I feel better, and busy. If it were up to me I'd stay on my sofa all day and read, and read, then read a little more. But I'm not going to let this get me down,I will fid the right opportunity, with a company that isn't downsizing.
None of my family members are aware of this blog, but I have to give them a shout out! I am blessed with a wonderful support group and family! Seriously, my brother emails me from Afghanistan where he is in charge of 90 men, experiences air raids every night, and still he emails me frequently to tell me he prays for me every night.
I have other friends whose parent's wouldn't do anything to help them, encourage them or keep them positive. Or some will but their compassion and support has an expiration date. I've never felt that.
I've been out of work for a while now, and it is driving me crazy!!! I loved my job, really did, but as things go, they streamlined their processes which made my job obsolete. I understand this happens, and from a professional prospective I can understand the necessity to increase the efficiency of the company. I've actually had to make those same decisions regarding employees and the easiest answer is always to respect those who have been there longer. I didn't work with anyone who came in and was like, "Ahh shit... another day!" we all liked what we did. My boss gave me an epic letter of recommendation and was truly apologetic for the situation, and I understand it wasn't "personal" Still feels that way.
Randombling: I hate it when people stay in jobs they hate, I would never do that. Sure, everyone has a bad day, but work takes up such a large part of your life, why would you stay somewhere that makes you miserable. Admittedly, last time I was laid off, actually I was fired because "I didn't call in sick often enough". Not a joke, that's why... but, to be honest, I suppose I see their point. I worked with kids. But in my defense, kids are an incubus for viral infection. I never went with a fever or other gross stuff. When you go to school full time, work full time and spend a lot of it around children, you get sick a lot.
Okay, I will continue... My mom is taking care of my rent, actually bought a condo for me so I would stop stressing. (I know this makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but it's with the intention that as soon as I begin working I will take over all expenses, and it will be an investment for my future). She tells me to take this time to relax, enjoy myself, read, go on vacation (on the $172 per week I get for Unemployment). Books, those are the answer, my vacation. I can go anywhere in the world when I read a book. Ooopsies! Sidetracked. Back to it.
My mother is all about me enjoying this "break" from working. It's hard not to feel a bit depressed when you are in your 30's and your mom is paying your rent. But, she's raised kids, me... I wasn't easy, my brothers are like an alien species, this is not meant condescendingly, it's just they are a species I/we do not understand. Mom gets me, and she knows me, hates to see me down. I told her I was just going to take some crap job for some money, she said not to, that's a waste of my time and if I hate it I will feel worse. (Did I tell you she is awesome?) She suggested I volunteer, and then I'd realize it wasn't as bad as I thought, and I may make a networking connection.
(Insert angels singing)
Love it! Now we get to the subject of this post. If you are following or have read anything previous I always have to provide background. If I started with, "If you volunteer when your down you will feel better!" I'd neither be a decent writer, nor fulfill my need to divulge information. That said; Volunteering is always something I love to do! It is a wonderful gift to others, and organizations.
I go to church, this is something very important to me, even with my $172 a week I tithe my 10%, God's got my back. I asked them if they needed any volunteers, they do not. I decided to go to my past volunteer organizations. But, for some reason I had some reservations with that, I've volunteered for St. Vincent de Paul for years, Goodwill, Salvation Army, Feed My Starving Children and a few animal rescue organizations. Those are all great places that do a lot for people in need, but I really needed to do something one on one. I needed to see that I was helping an individual.
I contacted all of my friends, and Facebook friends and let them all know that I was available to volunteer my time. I offered free web design, as this could give me a client profile, as I wouldn't feel right giving a link to a company page I've created as a company employee. That's copywrited, even if I was the copywriter. I have friends that are returning to school as adults, offered free tutoring for classes, and for their kids, if anyone else was looking for resume help, or needed help with cover letter templates. I'd do anything, and to let their friends know.
This worked, I've managed to trade a web page for personal training. (People aren't comfortable getting something for nothing, even if it's to help lift the givers spirit) I made a web page for 6th Grade Math Jeopardy (If you want the files I will be happy to send). I tutored my friend on his MBA statistics homework, funny since I've yet to complete my BA. But he got a 100%! I tutored a lot... mostly people returning to college. All of these little things worked, it was volunteering my time to people I knew needed it, and was able to see them learn, grow their businesses, get a job (irony), plan an important event. I never asked for money, it was my way to stay busy and connected.
No, I have yet to get a job, but I feel better, and busy. If it were up to me I'd stay on my sofa all day and read, and read, then read a little more. But I'm not going to let this get me down,I will fid the right opportunity, with a company that isn't downsizing.
None of my family members are aware of this blog, but I have to give them a shout out! I am blessed with a wonderful support group and family! Seriously, my brother emails me from Afghanistan where he is in charge of 90 men, experiences air raids every night, and still he emails me frequently to tell me he prays for me every night.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Dear Diary Part 2
My childhood diary continued:
September 7, 1991
I hate E.F. Duvall. I have to choose between Choir and Study Hall. Study Hall is fun but singing is more fun. I'm in 8B, I know this means cause I'm in band. 8A isn't in band, so what do they do? I like to think 8 Average and 8 Beyond awesome. Nothing wrong with Band, we actually aren't seen as the "band geeks" in this school, it's about being cultured, and well rounded.
I have that dick in my math class again so I get to look forward to another 8 months of him gleeking on me. I hate him.
Justin and Tara have been all flirty in the hall, they got in trouble for holding hands in school. I was happy but deep down I know that just makes them want to hold hands more often. Okay, I may admit I still like him. His dog comes over every day to play with my dog, even our dogs are in love. Diggie is cute, he standsbetween under smokeys legs and barks at all the other dogs. Smokey is a black lab, they are best friends, Justin and I are too. Smokey just stands there wagging her tail excited for new friends. Digs, is like, "Get off my corner, bitch (said in the female dog way).
I have homework, I hate this journal thing they make us keep in English class. So, you want me to keep a journal that my teacher will read and grade? This seems the opposite of productive (Dictionary Lookup) this is counterproductive! Yay! Love new words. Why do my friends always talk about my "big words"? I think it's because of my books. Context.
October 22, 1991
I got asked to the halloween dance by a couple different people. I know they are popular and stuff but I don't want to be stuck dancing with some guy all night that is going to try to touch my butt. My friends like that, why does it make me so uncomfy? I think I will go with Jo and Tiff. We have fun, they didn't get asked
November 4, 1991
I HAVE MY OWN PHONE NUMBER!!! My mom got me my own phone in my room. It's AWESOME!!!!!!!! It came with these cute cards that I could hand out to all my friends with my phone number. I keep bending the antenna on my door sil. :(
November 30 1991
My mom brought some weird guy who wore a purple PURPLE sweatsuit to Turkey Day. My aunt Barry came,I love her! I went to Jo's in the morning, but came back and mom said the Turkey was done and in the oven. We played Pictionary. BOTH MY BROTHERS WERE HOME! I missed them!! Playing pictionary I said, "Rhymes with clit" everyone got all giggly and made fun of me ruthlessly for hours. I told them that I knew what a clit was and I said it on purpose. What the hell is a clit? Why is it so funny? Then Trace said, Eww gross, so i guess its something bad.
December 12, 1991
Normally I'd be at dad's. I miss you. What did I do? What happened and why did mom make me leave at 5AM Boxing Day, and say I'd never see you again. You told me you were sorry. WHY? No one will tell me anything. You were my daddy and now you are gone. Did you tell mom you didn't ever want me? I told mom I missed you and I hated that she kept me from you. She took me to a shrink. Why? All they said was she needed couseling and I was extremely grounded. They gave me Play-doh to play with. "Doh!" So I made a happy rainbow, and a pony. Told the doctor I missed riding my horse toward a rainbow. He bought it. Hook. Line. Sinker.
February 4, 1992
Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you. If you are reading this. I'm pissed off!
September 7, 1991
I hate E.F. Duvall. I have to choose between Choir and Study Hall. Study Hall is fun but singing is more fun. I'm in 8B, I know this means cause I'm in band. 8A isn't in band, so what do they do? I like to think 8 Average and 8 Beyond awesome. Nothing wrong with Band, we actually aren't seen as the "band geeks" in this school, it's about being cultured, and well rounded.
I have that dick in my math class again so I get to look forward to another 8 months of him gleeking on me. I hate him.
Justin and Tara have been all flirty in the hall, they got in trouble for holding hands in school. I was happy but deep down I know that just makes them want to hold hands more often. Okay, I may admit I still like him. His dog comes over every day to play with my dog, even our dogs are in love. Diggie is cute, he stands
I have homework, I hate this journal thing they make us keep in English class. So, you want me to keep a journal that my teacher will read and grade? This seems the opposite of productive (Dictionary Lookup) this is counterproductive! Yay! Love new words. Why do my friends always talk about my "big words"? I think it's because of my books. Context.
October 22, 1991
I got asked to the halloween dance by a couple different people. I know they are popular and stuff but I don't want to be stuck dancing with some guy all night that is going to try to touch my butt. My friends like that, why does it make me so uncomfy? I think I will go with Jo and Tiff. We have fun, they didn't get asked
November 4, 1991
I HAVE MY OWN PHONE NUMBER!!! My mom got me my own phone in my room. It's AWESOME!!!!!!!! It came with these cute cards that I could hand out to all my friends with my phone number. I keep bending the antenna on my door sil. :(
November 30 1991
My mom brought some weird guy who wore a purple PURPLE sweatsuit to Turkey Day. My aunt Barry came,I love her! I went to Jo's in the morning, but came back and mom said the Turkey was done and in the oven. We played Pictionary. BOTH MY BROTHERS WERE HOME! I missed them!! Playing pictionary I said, "Rhymes with clit" everyone got all giggly and made fun of me ruthlessly for hours. I told them that I knew what a clit was and I said it on purpose. What the hell is a clit? Why is it so funny? Then Trace said, Eww gross, so i guess its something bad.
December 12, 1991
Normally I'd be at dad's. I miss you. What did I do? What happened and why did mom make me leave at 5AM Boxing Day, and say I'd never see you again. You told me you were sorry. WHY? No one will tell me anything. You were my daddy and now you are gone. Did you tell mom you didn't ever want me? I told mom I missed you and I hated that she kept me from you. She took me to a shrink. Why? All they said was she needed couseling and I was extremely grounded. They gave me Play-doh to play with. "Doh!" So I made a happy rainbow, and a pony. Told the doctor I missed riding my horse toward a rainbow. He bought it. Hook. Line. Sinker.
February 4, 1992
Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you. If you are reading this. I'm pissed off!
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